Friday, March 13, 2009

The Enemy

I suppose I shouldn't be so harsh. I has gotten us this far. But boy would I love to see this baby go away. I heard breastfeeding can be tough, but seriously. It is the natural way to feed a child. It has been done for years. Before there were lactation consultants. Before there were pumps. Before there was formula. I mean, Eve didn't have an option. And she figured it out on her own. There was no one to tell her what to do. Unless God decided to give her a few tips, and He very well could have.

I have had all the tips in the world it seems. I have tried everything. Yet, for some reason, I have a mental block that just will not allow me to do things the way nature intended. I sit down and think to myself, "Relax, you can do this...ahhhh." Then...I clam up. I have tried listening to the meditation cd's that offer lots of positive affirmation. I guess I am too immature for that because all I do is laugh at the lady on the CD. I can't take her seriously.

The Reglan incident knocked me off my feet and I just can't seem to get back up on them. So, I suppose I will spend the next few months hooked to this machine. Every 2-3 hours during the day and when Crosby wakes up during the night. Then you get to clean all the parts afterwards. Just to get them dirty an hour and 15 minutes later when you repeat the cycle. Lovely. And how does one travel by plane in an attempt to take a mini vacation when she is connected to a machine all day? What fun is that for all other travelers? Do you pump in the seat? Do you occupy the bathroom for 20+ minutes? Do you even bother leaving the hotel room? Oh dear...

Crosby is happy and healthy. Clearly he is growing like a weed with what we are doing. Mom is just a little discouraged by the method. I am trying my best to see he gets breast milk until he is at least 6 months old. I just hope for the willpower to make it that long. As long as I am home, all day, everyday, it all works out. But if I want to go to the grocery store, or eat lunch with friends, the system is thrown off course. Please tell me there are others who had the same trouble... How do you survive months of the pump without throwing it out the window and just giving the little one Enfamil????

Forgive me for whining. I do have a very cute baby that I love to pieces. I am SOOOO grateful for him and will do whatever is best for his sake. I just needed to vent a little...


Kristen said...

I solid pumped for 6 months! You can do it! I bought a little manual pump that I would leave in the diaper bag for "emergencies" where I thought I was going to explode while I was out. I actually had to use it once at the airport when a delayed layover threw off the pumping schedule. I know it isnt as "natural" as the real thing, but little man gets all those good nutrients through this nasty cold/flu season! If I knew I was going out, I always pumped before I left, just to hold me over until I could get home. I'll be your cheerleader!

Anonymous said...

Danielle, I just can't tell you how much it pleases me to hear someone else going through breastfeeding/pumping drama. I managed to breastfeed/pump my little one, Gavin for 5 months!! WHOO HOO!!! And yes, I lived in my house and seemed to do nothing else. I can't tell you the number of times I pumped in my car in the parking lot of Target, Kroger, before I fianlly went to get that pre-birth pedicure three months after Gavin was born. I can even remember pumping in my car at J. Alexanders because I WAS having a girls night dinner!!! My trick was the pumping bra. I could wear it, my little pump/backpack and a big shirt and I could do anything around the house.

I know some people are reading this thinking oh my, are they really talking about breastfeeding/pumping?? HAHA! And you just don't know until you have done it, been there! Girl anything will be benificial for Crosby. What a cutie by the way! Day by day or should I say hour and a half by hour and a half....hehe. Just do what you can, Crosby loves you more thn you could ever imagine, breastmilk or not. Good luck!!!

Corbin Williams Whitwell
ps I don't think I have updated my blog in like 5 months, but I really enjoy reading yours....I think between you and Sarah Gilliam, I look at life with a little more peace. Thanks for that!!

Brian and Katie Whitt said...

hi! i'm Kristen's sister Katie. I had to travel while I was pumping and if I had to do it while mid-air all I did was notify one of the female flight attendants that I was going to spend 20 minutes locked in the bathroom pumping. They usually gave me a pillow and a bottle of water and were incredibly helpful. That was on three different airlines - Southwest, USAir, and United.
When I was in the airport it did get a little embarassing. I'd pump in a bathroom stall and people would be asking "what is that noise?" "should we call security?". but the baby got the milk and that's all that mattered to me!
I pumped for over 8 months with my first and over 5 months with my second. Oh the memories of Kristen and I pumping together when the twins were at Vanderbilt. ;)
It is not easy but it's only temporary! You can do it! You have another cheerleader in upstate NY!

Brian and Katie Whitt said...

by the way - it is completely ok to vent about this - don't keep it all inside because there are many of us out here who totally get it and understand.

Katie said...

Breastfeeding is not easy! And no one understands it better than moms who have had trouble. I can only reiterate what the other ladies said here-you just have to pump before you do everything and carry a manual pump when you go out. If you can pump a little extra to freeze, even better. While I encourage you breastfeed Crosby for as long as you can, I will also tell you not to feel guilty if you are not able to at some point. My milk dried up when Audrey was about 5 months old and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I'm grateful for the 5 months she had, but she is still a thriving baby on formula! -Katie R.

Dana Clark said...


I pumped a whole lot the first month of Jamie's life. I too got so tired of doing it-I felt like all I did was pump! Lee got tired of hearing the sound of the machine too!:) I had to pump because Jamie would not breastfeed until he was a month old. The reason it took so long was due to us being separated at the hospital. Eventually, I decided to go to straight formula. I knew that I tried breastfeeding but there wasn't any way I could continue it when I went back to work. DO NOT FEEL BAD IF YOU DECIDE NOT TO BREASTFEED!!!! Eventually my milk went away on its own. I always wondered if Jamie was getting enough of my breast milk. By giving him formula, I knew he was. I am like your other friends pump before you go out!

Dana Daniel Clark

Laura said...

This is one of Katie's (your sister-in-law) best friends. I have a seven month old baby boy, Michael. I strictly breastfed him for the first 6 weeks of his life, and then it got REALLY painful and lactation, peditricians, and my OB couldn't figure out exactly what the problem was. We tried different positions, I went on medication for a deep duct yeast infection, and Michael went on meds for thrush. Nothing seemed to help. It caused so much pain, that I would just cry when it was time to feed him again, and then cry the entire time he was nursing. I was going back to work when he was four months, so I decided it wasn't worth the precious moments that I had with him to fret over breastfeeding. I ended up pumping half of the time and supplementing with formula for the other half of his feedings. At first, I was so disappointed in myself, but it made life in general SO MUCH EASIER! Do not feel any guilt for using formula if you need to! Millions of babies are alive today because of formula. Michael is in the 80% for weight and height, and he is now strictly formula-fed. He will be healthy and happy regardless of if he gets breastmilk or formula. You do whatever is going to be best for not forget to take care of yourself as well as sweet Baby Crosby. Good luck and hang in there!
Laura Hamburg

Carla said...

Hey there- Just wanting to tell you, like everyone else, you are NOT alone in feeling so frustrated! I wanted to just quit so many times but I stuck w/ it and am SO glad I did. I can HONESTLY tell you that the second six months were a walk in the park compared to the first six. I am weaning right now...I never thought we'd make it to a year! I had mastitis six different times and was sent to a specialist about it. I had to use a nipple shield until she was over 6 months old...I felt just like you in that my whole day was planned around breastfeeding. I do have to tell you to do what is best for your own sanity though. It all comes down to how strongly you feel about it....once I survived those first six months I became deteremined to wean on my own terms (if that makes sense). Good luck w/ whatever you do! I'll be your cheerleader too! :)

Anonymous said...

Danielle, I am really glad that you blogged on this subject. I was really upset that I could not breastfeed the "natural" way, but I really wanted to breastfeed for at least 6 months. I managed to pump for 9 months (exclusively breast milk for 6 months). It wasn't easy but was manageable. I pumped on my own schedule (regardless of when Taylor fed) and had milk in the refrigerator for bottles. You can pump an hour or two apart or go several hours apart (especially at night as Crosby sleeps longer). I tried to sneak in 1 or 2 extra pumping times most days to get some milk in the freezer. But if I wanted to run errands or go out, I didn't stress about it. A flexible schedule allowed me to get out and not be chained to the pump. Once I established a flexible schedule, a lot of stress and worrying was gone (which only helps for milk production). The amount started to decrease around 6 months, but our pediatrician told us that the benefit of breast milk is not how much a baby gets per day but how many days a baby gets breast milk.
Also, remember that if you go to formula, it is OK. You have given Crosby over two and a half months of milk.
Please call, email, or FB me if you need any help or someone to vent to on the tough days.
P.S. We should get together just to hang out and let the kids see each other.

Anonymous said...

I found your blog through Shellie and have been reading about your miracle Crosby as I follow her journey with Leonidas. I just wanted to share that I pumped exclusively for 12 months with my daughter. I tried breastfeeding the "natural" way but we just couldn't do it. To say it was painful is a joke. I was in tears every time she needed to eat. So, I started pumping and never stopped. My husband says it is the only time he has seen my stubborness benefit someone. HA! I got so tired of cleaning the supplies, hearing the pump, scheduling pumping, etc. But for whatever reason, I kept doing it. I will tell you that you will get to a point where you don't have to pump as often. They get into a schedule and you get into a routine. For the last five months, I was pumping four times a day and she was getting only breastmilk in her five daily bottles. It can work. Now I'm in the opposite position with my son. He will not take a bottle, paci or sippy cup. He is doing it the "natural" way and there is no end in sight. (He'll be one at the end of April.) But like others have said, don't get down on yourself if you can't keep it up. He will survive and even flourish on formula.
Continued blessings for you and your miracle baby!
Heather in VA

Jennifer said...

I've been there, too. I pumped for my last daughter, Lacey. She simply wouldn't nurse -none of my 3did very well and in each case I had to make a decision. I pumped the longest for her - 3 months - but with a 7 and 4 yo in the house, no family support in the area and no husband, I was glad I got the 3 months worth. Every situation is different. I have found that just deciding for today is all I really have to do. Tomorrow I can decide again and I don't have to worry about it today. I agree with the others, that it is wonderful to do it if you can, but it is okay to change your approach if that is what seems best for you, Blake and Crosby. You are a team. . .