Friday, January 9, 2009

Crosby's Room

As I walked up the stairs, with Crosby in my arms, I could feel the tears coming. It was really happening. I was carrying my baby into his room for the first time. It was everything I dreamed of and more...







There is symbolism throughout the room. The ceiling is painted blue, like the sky. The draperies display the leaves of the trees. Birds are on the mirror. They are hanging from the ceiling. One is embroidered on the pillow. Their eggs hang on the wall. God's creation. In my arms. In his room.
When we lost Finley, nights were the most difficult. I would wake up in a panic, heartbroken and full of anxiety. Lucy gave me a Fernando Ortega CD and suggested I listen to "Jesus King of Angels." As soon as I was alone, I listened for the first time. Oh, the tears that flowed. The song was for me. She was my sparrow. And then, less than a year later, there would be another sparrow.
I haven't listened to this song in over a year. The emotions it stirs are so raw. I listened today, as I held Crosby close. Joy and sorrow all at once. The tears came quickly. I have found joy in this life once again. But I will never forget the sorrow. I will be reminded of the girls each time I enter his room. I will never forget. My sparrows. My angels. Though it was not planned, it was brought to my attention that their initials are in his. How fitting.
Thank you for this room.
Here is the song. Listen if you would like...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEijLTB1a84
























12 comments:

Anonymous said...

his room is breathtaking. adam and i can't wait to hold crosby. we love you! jac

Jessica said...

Amazing...I am so ecstatic for you. It's true what people have said...let facebook go. Little Crosby is going to get bigger much too soon. However, I am truly impressed with how dedicated you are to your blog and with sharing your little man with everyone. Thanks for letting us be a part of this miracle.

Anonymous said...

That song is amazing. Seeing his whole room put together is what someone said above "breathtaking." It seems so peaceful. Thank you for sharing the theme behind it. It is completely fitting, I am positive that the girls would love it too! I don't know who told you about Finley and Caroline's initials in Crosby's....but I had thought about that too. Right after he was born, I had told my mom, and I felt sad and happy all at the same time. He has a little bit of each of them in him, not only in his name. A lot of people have said to let facebook and blogging go for right now so you can spend as much time as possible with Crosby, but I appreciate that you update as much as you can. Since some don't get to see you and that precious one often, it is nice to get caught up on how things are going. I am truly so happy for your family. God is so good!

Bree

Anonymous said...

Precious is all I can think of when I see his room. That word is used so often, it kind of loses its sweetness, but his room is so precious. What a sweet baby. Your testimony makes me fall before the Lord in humility. Your family is deeply loved...
sybil

Karen Nikazy said...

Absolutely beautiful......Just like Crosby.

Carla said...

wow, i love his room! it is gorgeous! somebody did a great job!

Veronica said...

I love it Danielle! It looks like such a sweet sanctuary for your precious baby and you! You minister to me every time I read your blog...God's strength through you is amazing. Your comfort through Him brings me comfort and your joys always remind me of how He never leaves us nor forsakes us! Thanks for always being so real in your walk with our Savior and allowing Him to use you to bring glory to His name. I love you!
(And I love the song...thanks for sharing!) --Vern

Carina said...

His room is amazing! I love every bit of it! We can't wait to meet little Crosby. I'm so glad that you have been posting pictures and keeping all of us updated. We love you guys!
Love, Carina

Anonymous said...

Danielle- You don't me (and I hope this doesn't creep you out!) but I ran across your blog many many months ago. I don't blog myself and don't follow many but yours tugged at my heart. After reading your most current post I decided I had to contact you and let you know I have been praying for you consistantly over the past 9+ months. Our stories are similar and after hearing about the birds in your baby's room and the Fernando Ortega CD, I knew I had to contact you, if only to let you know there is a family in Florida praying to Jesus for yours.

Gretchen Pearce
GretchUTK@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

danielle, thank you so much for sharing Jesus, King of Angels! I have listened to it several times and each time it speaks to my heart more tenderly! Crosby's sweet room just pours forth a peaceful sweetness and having Finley and Caroline's initials in his name...well, words cannot express! enjoy each moment,too quickly that little room will be filled with blocks and toys and books and puzzles...little messy handprints will reach as high as Crosby is able...for now let him leave those little life-prints on your heart and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! again we rejoice with you all!!!! love, the gobbles

Anonymous said...

Oh, Danielle! It is all so perfect! His room is just a sanctuary! I love Ortega as well...it is a family favorite after many months in Phoenix! Funny how songs can touch a part of you that words just cannot express. We love you and are so, so happy you and Crosby are home surrounded by beauty and perfect peace! jill

Carla and Daryl said...

crosby's room is perfect. beautiful. i love the birds theme and as i listened to the song i realize just how sweet his room is. every word in that song brings a sense of peace and calming. i'm glad you can cry tears of joy along with the sad ones while listening to it now.