Mondays With Crosby

Crosby turned 2 weeks old today at 11:24am. We had another appointment with his peditrician today. Our little guy checked out just fine. He is now measuring 19.75 inches in length but he is only weighing 5 pounds and 12 ounces. Dr. P isn't concerned about his weight, stating that last weeks 7 ounce gain in 48 hours was probably a fluke...full bladder, full GI tract!! Of course, I am taking it a little hard, wanting him to gain weight and feeling responsible for his growth. But, if the doctor isn't concerned, I will try to relax as well.

Crosby has started to wake up a bit more this week. I would perfer that not happen between 1am-4am but what can you do! His umbilical cord fell off. I found myself a bit emotional when it happened. Strange...I know. But that was our connection... Anyway, we are clear for a real bath. I am excited to see how he responds to that. Hopefully he will like it better than the sponge bath. We'll see soon enough!

I wanted to take a few perspective pictures . The plan is to take the same pictures every month to see how much he has grown. Here is round one at 2 weeks!

Crosby's Room

As I walked up the stairs, with Crosby in my arms, I could feel the tears coming. It was really happening. I was carrying my baby into his room for the first time. It was everything I dreamed of and more...

There is symbolism throughout the room. The ceiling is painted blue, like the sky. The draperies display the leaves of the trees. Birds are on the mirror. They are hanging from the ceiling. One is embroidered on the pillow. Their eggs hang on the wall. God's creation. In my arms. In his room.

When we lost Finley, nights were the most difficult. I would wake up in a panic, heartbroken and full of anxiety. Lucy gave me a Fernando Ortega CD and suggested I listen to "Jesus King of Angels." As soon as I was alone, I listened for the first time. Oh, the tears that flowed. The song was for me. She was my sparrow. And then, less than a year later, there would be another sparrow.

I haven't listened to this song in over a year. The emotions it stirs are so raw. I listened today, as I held Crosby close. Joy and sorrow all at once. The tears came quickly. I have found joy in this life once again. But I will never forget the sorrow. I will be reminded of the girls each time I enter his room. I will never forget. My sparrows. My angels. Though it was not planned, it was brought to my attention that their initials are in his. How fitting.

Thank you for this room.

Here is the song. Listen if you would like...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEijLTB1a84

little miracle; flashdance; brothers

The onesie speaks for itself...

No pants matched. Blake made leg warmers out of socks...

Nugget with his baby brother...

Melts my heart...

Mondays With Crosby

Our little guy officially turned 1 week old at 11:24am!! Part of me wants to cry because the first week is already over. I just want the clock to stop so I can soak in each and every second with Crosby. He is just precious...and I am not just saying that because he is mine...he is... :)

His first week outside the womb was a bit of a whirlwind...to say the least. His stay in the NICU lasted a little longer than expected. Fortunately we were able to see him often. Visiting hours are pretty flexible in the NICU. They are only closed from 6-8 am, 12:30-1:30pm and 6-8pm. We were given 4 passes to distribute as we chose to family/friends. Our parents were able to visit him multiple times as well. There were a few set backs along the way. Of course there was the initially respiratory issue of grunting. Then the little guy had difficulty maintaining his body temperature. We, along with the staff, realized his area of the unit was a bit drafty, likely keeping him cool. The last hurdle was a bout of jaundice. It sort of felt like 2 steps forward and then 1 step back. Not to complain. We are thrilled that his issues were relatively common and easily treated.

Crosby has now survived the first 60 hours with his parents being "in charge". We were able to room in the NICU on Saturday night and he was perfect for us. He barely made a sound all night long. We had to wake him up to eat every 3 hours. Sunday morning, Dr. Rojas (neonatologist) came in and completed an examination before signing the discharge paperwork. His bilirubin was still elevated but that was expected. The doctor anticipates it will drop on its on. Just to be safe, we will see the pediatrician tomorrow and have his levels drawn again. We are praying that they have continued to trend downward.

Of course there are a few pictures to document the last few days!

Last time at his NICU station...

Dressed for the night in his preemie gown...

Dr. Rojas completing his exam...



Danielle...Caroline and Crosby's nurse...

Tiny baby in a big car seat...

Swaddled up in his cradle at HOME!!

Sweet face...

As for coming home, we were thrilled to finally show off this little miracle to more of the family. The ones without passes!!! A sweet friend, Jessica, and her husband Wes, flew in for the occasion. She is a photographer and wanted to take pictures of the big day. She was there when we walked in the door. She was there when I saw his room for the first time! That will be a post in and of itself but for now...a few sneak peeks!!!

All I will say is the room is TO DIE FOR!!!

*if there are tons of grammatical errors, forgive me. No time to proofread...

Bili Boy Blue

We had another great visit this morning with sweet Crosby. I officially got to change my first poopy diaper! Well, his poopy diaper but you know what I mean. His bilirubin levels were down to 12.6 this morning. It is coming down slow but the doctor feels it should continue to do so. He mentioned rooming in tomorrow night if the numbers are low in the morning!! Then D/C on Sunday. Praying for no more speed bumps to set us back but feeling good about where things stand.

Off to see my baby again but wanted to share these pictures. Could he be any cuter????

Composure

I lost it somewhere around 3:15 am this morning (1-1-09). I cannot specifically say what brought it on, but the tears started pouring. They have continued on and off throughout the day.

Everyone asks who he looks like. We go back and forth, giving Blake most of the credit. And then there are several of us who think he looks like my brother at times. Not sure how that happened! There is one face few had the opportunity to know. It is the face of a little girl that was born 10 months and 1 day before her brother. Crosby looks so much like his big sister, Caroline. I see it. Blake sees it. Caroline's NICU nurse, Danielle, also sees Caroline when she looks at this baby boy. She and Finley have been on our minds...

We walked into the NICU to be with Crosby this morning. The room with an isolette next to his was quiet. The lights were dim and the curtain was pulled. People were in and out, speaking in hushed tones. I looked at the monitor and saw Crosby's heart rate and respiration. But his neighbors vitals were no longer displayed. Then I saw the nurse holding the quilted blanket and handmade gown. They were similar to those given to Finley and Caroline. It confirmed what we knew. Crosby's neighbor had been promoted to heaven. Blake and I were overcome with emotion. The pain of loss as fresh as ever. Our hearts aching for that family as they start their journey of grief. Their New Year began with utter despair.

Blake held Crosby a little tighter. I scooted my chair a little closer, making sure I could touch both of my boys. I said a prayer of hope for that family, followed by a prayer of thanksgiving for our son. There is hope. Miracles do happen. Joy can follow sorrow. We are proof. I pray that family knows our God and can trust He is good.

Emotions ripe, we were informed that Crosby's bilirubin levels had indeed increased, from 9.7 to 14. There would be no rooming in. He would need to be under the bili lights at least 24 to 48 hours. Like every other day, a kink was thrown into the plan. We make progress in one area and then another small issue pops up. He will likely remain in the NICU through the weekend, maybe coming home Sunday. Who knows, it he could be sooner or it could be later. One day at a time.

It was hard to get in the car and drive away this afternoon. I had to keep reminding myself that our story has changed. We aren't leaving empty handed for long. We will have a baby with us very soon.

We went back to see him around 8:30 this evening. On a difficult day, we were blessed with a wonderful visit. Crosby was wide awake when we arrived. He appeared to enjoy being out of his swaddle, as they were having to chase him all over the isolette, attempting to keep him under the light! He was nice and warm, with a great body temperature. His rooting reflex was in full force and he ate like a champ. It was precious to see him follow our voices with his eyes. He even tracked Blake as he came into the room. This was the most alert we have ever seen him. It makes me smile just thinking about it. God knew we needed encouragement tonight as we prepare to sleep away from him. Thank you for that blessing.

I think I will say good night. Morning will be here before I know it if I just close my eyes! I can't wait to see those blue eyes again...