Back in business

It seems like I dropped a bomb and then fell off the face of the earth. At least I managed to squeeze in the quick post for Blake's birthday to that let you know I am still around! I have a good excuse.

The timing of things is quite ironic. I am put on bedrest. Friends graciously install a wireless router and loan me their laptop. Then, like clockwork, our internet service basically stops. We have been able to log on for 10 minutes here and there for the past 2 weeks. Of all times, when I have NOTHING to do, our internet goes out. To make matters worse, we have Vonage. So, when the internet is out, our home phone doesn't work. LONG story short, (I actually had most of it typed out and then decided you probably didn't care to read it!) our internet is up and running. I feel like a new person now that I am connected to the world, once again.

Seeing how my days are spent lying around on one of two couches or the bed, there is little excitement to share. Despite the circumstances, the past two weeks have flown by! We have had so many people stop by to hang out and keep me company during the day. They have come with meals, books, movies, magazines, a knitting kit and cleaning supplies. I already mentioned the router and laptop! We have been overwhelmed with offer after offer to help us in anyway. Needless to say, we owe lots and lots of "thank yous" to lots and lots of folks. So here is the first of many you will hear, "THANK YOU!"

As for the latest news. Our appointment with Dr. B went really well this Tuesday. My measurements were even better than last Wednesday. While I still have contractions daily, they in no way compare to those I was experiencing 2 weeks ago. Things have really calmed down. Was it the antibiotics, bedrest or both that did the trick? Who really knows! But we will take the end result. They were also able to do an anatomy scan this week. Our little guy is right on track. We now have 2 VHS videos (humm...we don't have a VCR), 1 DVD and 44 pictures of him from June 4th through September 2nd! Maybe I could share a few soon! Dr. B continues to recommend limited activity. Therefore, I will gladly stay put in an attempt to keep this little guy safe inside my belly!

I have been able to relax a little more since things have improved. I am just trying to take life one day at a time. It is hard to think too far into the future as we approach the window when things went terribly wrong with both girls. 20 weeks 5 days and 24 weeks 2 days are just around the corner and anticipating those milestones can be scary. So, I try not to even go there. I am grateful for each and every second I am given with this baby. I am cherishing his kicks and punches, letting Blake feel them as often as possible.

Thank you for your prayers. I really believe they are keeping our spirits lifted and giving us strength daily. Please keep them going. Our goal is 17 more weeks so we will need them!

Birthday Boy

Honestly, can it get much cuter than this? Happy 31st Birthday, Blake!!!! And to think he has been with me over half of his life!! Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself :)! I love you and hope today is a good one! Wishing for a look-alike come January...or December if need be!

Relief

How thrilled am I to be back at home and posting on our GOOD news?!?!? Today's appointment went very well. We were there 15 minutes before my appointment time, as we did not want to be late. I was fortunate enough to be the first person called back and my bladder was thankful. When the ultrasonographer told me I didn't need a full bladder, it was even happier. Except that meant I would not be getting an abdominal scan...I will leave it at that...

A doctor came into the room with the sonographer once I was ready. We were expecting Dr. C, but Dr. K introduced herself. We have never seen her before but she was very nice and we were encouraged after meeting with her. To set the scene a bit, my cervical length measured 3.8 cm last Monday. By Thursday, it fluctuated from 3.1 cm to 2.56 cm on ultrasound in a matter of seconds. This was not a good sign and is what prompted strict bedrest.

The scan began and my untrained eye thought there appeared to be at least some cervix left. As she began to measure, the line got longer and longer. 3.5cm!!! Dr. K was very pleased with the results. She was able to answer a few of our questions and put our minds at ease regarding the plans for the future.

So, there you have it. I know God has His hand in this situation and give Him the glory for our good news. He has heard your prayers! And ours! My next appointment is scheduled with Dr. B on Tuesday. Dr. K did not say I have to stay on strict bedrest. However, Dr. Malone, veterinarian, did! So we will lay low until Tuesday to be safe. Thank you all so much for everything you are doing on our behalf and helping carry us through this time! 18 weeks down and hopefully lots more to go! We're going to need you!

Another request

I have been floored by the number of comments we have received over the past few days.
There are no words to express how grateful we are for all the encouragement. We are so honored to have prayer after prayer lifted on our behalf of our family. We truly feel it! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I wanted to give an update on where things stand right now. I have an appointment with Maternal Fetal Medicine today(Wed) at 1:00. Needless to say, I am quite anxious to meet with Dr. C. While I have remained as still as possible since Thursday, my contractions have continued and the medication did not seem to help. To further complicate a messy situation, we learned I have an infection as well. So, I am now being treated for that.


Because I have to believe in the power of prayer, I need to ask another favor. Please pray the contractions have not caused further shortening of my cervix. (did I just ask people to pray for my cervix???? I did...) With the number of contractions I have been having, this seems unlikely. But we will ask anyway! Also, pray for wisdom for each doctor on my case. We want to know that everything is being done to keep this little guy safely inside my womb!

I will let you know how things go when I get back! Thanks for your willingness to pray!

Frozen

This is what I was working on before drama struck...again.

There are a lot of words to say. But for some reason, I am having a hard time making any sense of them. I have been keeping it inside for so long that it is difficult to actually let it out. I feel safe with the details of our life hidden in the confines of our home (and with a few other people). At least that is the lie I have been telling myself for a while now. Bottom line, I don't feel safe and I need a net in which it is safe to fall.

People ask how I am doing, how we are doing in reference to the loss of Caroline. To be honest, I have no idea. Though it has almost been 6 months since we lost her, I haven't had time toprocess the whole situation. I was simply trying to get on my feet and face the world in March and April. But by May, our world was turned upside down. We found ourselves in the middle of a game we were not ready to play. I stood in the bathroom around 10:00pm on Wednesday the 21st of May, sobbing, as my concern became reality. I am pregnant, again.

It feels like there are a million strikes against this baby. First and foremost, he is growing in a very hostile environment. He was conceived a month before it was recommended due to increased risk of preterm labor. Then, like clockwork, I had experienced the infamous early bleed, again. Because I have yet to post the "Caroline" chapter, you may or may not know the doctors feel a similar bleed during her pregnancy played a large role in her preterm birth. The only way I could increase my risk of preterm labor at this point is to start smoking/taking drugs and to be physically abused. I already meet most of the other "requirements."

Steps are being taken to prevent preterm labor, mainly progesterone injections and activity restriction at this point. However at 17 weeks and 1 day, I have been having contractions, almost daily, for a while now. I desperately want to believe "the third time is the charm". Yet, I am stuck feeling it's "3 strikes and your out". It is apparent my body does not like pregnancy despite what my heart and head feel and think. I want this little guy to be here with us on this earth. I want to know what it is like to come home with a baby in my arms; living, breathing, crying. I want to experience motherhood and want Blake to feel like a true father. I want, I want, I want... It terrifies me to think that my wants are not in keeping with the ultimate plan for our lives. With each passing day, it feels as if our desires are just our own.

I learned this news at a time when I was beginning to feel a slight spiritual lift from losing Caroline. Initially, I was able to believe, "This was not our plan...this was His timing...this was supposed to happen this way." But now, I am struggling to believe. I have read blog after blog of girls who have lost babies in the past 2 years. Their love for our Lord is so apparent and they praise Him constantly in their writing. I am envious for their level of faith and reliance on Him. It feels as though I am suffering spiritual paralysis. I can't move. I am stuck. I can't pray. I don't feel my God right now. Yes, I know He is there. His Word says He will not foresake me or leave me. But my faith is at an all time low and I am frozen. The future terrifies me. I only know what it is like to lose a baby. Can I survive losing another baby? Will I have the strength to pick myself off the ground and follow my Lord despite the outcome of this pregnancy?

Weary

I hesitate to even post anything online so I will be brief. We find ourselves in a difficult spot, once again. This is not how I planned to share but nothing seems to go as we plan. I find myself 17 weeks and 2 days pregnant, contracting and on bedrest. Needless to say, this is not good. We are discouraged, to say the least. We both feel the only way we will know this little guy on earth is through a miracle. Yet, we are at a spiritual, mental and emotional low and can't imagine that happening for us. Please forgive the doubt, but we are struggling. All I know to do at this point is to ask for prayer. We would sure appreciate it!

Home improvement, take 10

I realize I have been slacking on the blog lately. Seeing how I have nothing but time on my hands right now, there is no excuse I can offer to explain the hiatus. You can just call me lazy! I am sure no one has lost sleep over my lack of communication though! For what it's worth, I am working on a few posts right now so there are more to come.

During the months of June and July, several of our rooms were updated! Most people know my mother-in-law is a phenomenal seamstress. Window treatments, bed skirts, throw pillows, smocking, children's clothes, etc. You name it, she can make it. And with such detail you should pay a fortune for it! I have said over and over I am going to get her to teach me a thing or two. We'll see if that ever happens. Anyway, she gets all the credit for most of the decorating in my house and all of the fabric hanging on the walls. In a matter of 2 weeks, she spit out this project for my dining room and sitting room (with no where to sit...):

Honestly, could it look much better than this? I think not. She finds the fabric for me, tells me how much I need, I get it then she provides me with the end result! Am I spoiled or what? She thought it would be a good idea to introduce a new color to the blues, greens and browns we already had downstairs. So we, I mean, she found the stripped fabric with a streak of "brick," as we call it. Then, she found solid "brick" fabric for the dining room. The only part I can claim is the trim in the dining room, which is hard to see in these pictures. Anyway, it has blue, green, brown, AND brick in it, tying everything together perfectly! I couldn't be more thrilled with the end result. The rooms look more finished, despite the lack of chairs in the sitting room! I have no doubt she is on the lookout for those! While I am at, she made this for the breakfast room earlier this year:

So cute.

The latest project involved replacing a rather dinky and ugly light fixture with an old-but-new one! Once again, my mother-in-law found it for herself at an antique store. She thinks its original home was in a church. When her friend and interior decorator extraordinaire saw it, she thought it was completely wrong for her space. However, she thought it would look GREAT in MY stairwell! I know, I am so lucky! We had the light reworked, rewired and added glass. Take a look at the completed project:

The original was approximately 8 inches tall and weighed about 2 lbs. The old-but-new one is about 3 1/2 feet tall and weighs about 25lbs. I have yet to throw out the old one so let me know if you are interested! :) It's free to the first taker!